Sunday and Haiti

I sat down this afternoon with the idea of posting about the Sunday blues I inevitably get every unplanned Sunday afternoon. I opened my browser, the NY Times home page came up and I was humbled out of my comfortable ennui by a photo of a man, his head buried in his arms praying inside a cracked but still standing church in Port-au-Prince. And I realized how fortunate I am to be able to feel something like the Sunday blues. How lucky to live in such comfort here in the US that I can feel down just for having a dull day on my hands. I sit here with laundry to do, my house just cleaned, a work project I am avoiding and well, just a rainy Sunday afternoon in the city. I don't really have anything I want to do but go for a run, I don't have anything that has to be done today and that seems like something to feel down about. While this poor man has suffered untold loss his family? his home? his entire life as he knew it?

I scroll through the rest of the photos and see people praying, they're hands raised to the sky pain on their faces. I am not a religious person but I pray sometimes, meditate, think a lot about the bigger picture and my role in it. If I were struck with such a tragedy I'd like to know I'd have the conviction to reach to heaven for some salvation. Another photo is of a young boy waiting, his eyes anxious for bags of water for his family. What if I had to send my son to "wait for bags of water" instead of just turning on the tap and letting it run over our hands, into our Brita for not only a fresh drink but filtered of all impurities, too. The next photo shows a young boy his hands raised to the sky not in prayer but as he and a man are confronted by police in the wake of looters. Later a body burns on the streets, a looter killed by a mob. Oh my word, it is a cushy life we live, I should be more grateful.

Still it does not stymie my discontent, I am horrified by the loss, the pain and I feel more down, more useless, more pointless than ever. I should volunteer, should help somehow make it better. We sent money, the kids' school is planning a dance-a-thon next week. Still . . .

Once I read something about how when people lose it all it makes life so much simpler. It becomes about survival and that in itself is simple. I could see that, I don't wish it for myself, my family or anyone else for that matter, but I get it. Watched a movie last night, "The Hurt Locker" and it points that up - a great movie - really intense - beautifully shot by a woman director - about an army bomb squad in Iraq. As the movie progresses a "cowboy" kind of guy joins the squad and we watch how he tempts fate unconcerned with the danger he faces. Then, he ends his tour and goes home and finds the array of cereal boxes in his local grocery store overwhelmingly mundane. He re-enlists because at least in harm's way what he is doing makes sense.

Life doesn't make sense a lot of the time: tragedy, depression, war, loss. And in those times I guess the only logical response is to reach for love. Maybe it is the only thing that does make sense. So tonight I held me kids a little tighter and worked a little harder to make dinner tasty - because that is some form of survival, too, right?

With thoughts, prayers, peace and strength and most of all love to all those affected by the Haitian earthquake.

Who Put the "HE" in Laundry?

Last week I was invited to an event "Bubbles & Bubbly" hosted by WiskHE laundry detergent. It was a fun and really informative event not only about high efficiency (HE) laundry detergent and why it is so important to use it in a high efficiency (HE) machine (I do not have said machine - but you can enter to win one here). But we also got to don the lab coats and the cutest rubber gloves and pretend to be scientists; we learned about the importance of bubbles in champagne - (what a chore to have to taste really amazing champagne for 20 minutes) - and then we listened in on the amazing bubble reader as she predicted fortunes for a few lucky women in the crowd.

But by far, the funniest moment of the night was when a fellow (male) blogger suggested that the whole idea of adding "HE" to detergent was to get men to do the laundry. Ha! In this house, that will be the day! Of course, I'm not too interested in taking out the garbage either - so I guess we are even. Now I have to get back to folding my oft-neglected clean towels.

PS - the WiskHE detergent really does work just as well as regular detergent - even in my low-efficiency, but perfectly acceptable, machine!

"Highlights of A Mom's Life"

A new web series we created for the Kellogg snack brands - and it is funny!! If I do say so myself. Check it out: Highlights of a Mom's Life . And it was a family affair for us this summer - I wrote it, dear hub directed and produced and the kids had featured roles. Yes, those adorable kids are ours! Aren't they cute and talented, too. It was soo much fun - hope you think so, too!

Thankful Thursday

Today, I am grateful for the resiliency of my body.  No matter how I eat, how much exercise I avoid, or how great my sleep debt grows, my body still works, functions like a well-oiled machine and even manages to bounce back when I do get to the gym and clean up my diet.  I've lost nine pounds in three weeks just from regular exercise and eating my fruits and veggies.  And, I'm pushing the mid-forty mark.  Thanks to my bod for keeping me going!  (Ah - no the photo - not me - but maybe . . . )

When Life Gives You Lemons . . .

Life, it's one of those things, you know, best laid plans and all that.  You make your plans when you are young choose a college, a major, meet a future spouse.  On it goes.  Mostly according to plan.  You travel, move to the city of your dreams, have babies.  It's working out great.  There are some bumps.  A family member takes sick and passes on despite the prayers, despite the love.  Another takes his own life, inexplicably.  You weather the storm, the questions never really answered but fond memories remain.  

Then one day a bump comes into your own life, a shift you hadn't anticipated, a change you are not welcoming.  And the roller coaster begins, all you can do is decide to hold tight, make sure your lap belt is snug and try to find the emergency brake.  Of course, the emergency brake is in the station and you are still careening around the track.  You call for help, help arrives but still you must make new choices, set a new course while racing along in and out of tunnels, over hills and through breath-taking curves.  

Finally, one day, your new choices made the roller coaster slows to a more manageable speed.  You are changed, different, never really to be the same again but this new self is humming along okay on this new track.  The new track turns out to be better than you could have guessed, closer to the person you really want to be now, twenty-five years after that young girl chose that now inexplicable major.  Life is better, now, for the topsy-turvy ride.  Who knew?

"Comfort Food" by Kate Jacobs is the story of just such a crazy ride in the lives of characters living what they think is their dream.  Things change, people change and while it is happening the characters cannot see the good that may come from the changes.  Still, good things come and life is richer for them.  As Oliver says late in the book, "Life isn't a straightforward climb up the ladder." . . .  "It can take a few slips to really gain perspective."

My life has been like that in the recent past.  My husband's business hit a rough patch, my mother-in-law passed unexpectedly all while I grappled with trying to find a meaningful life now that my kids were in school.  But in the last eight months things have come together for me in ways I could never have anticipated.  I'm a partner now in my husband's business.  I'm writing scripts and shooting pilots, I'm helping develop websites and diligently working on my own novel.  Only the novel has been a twenty-year dream.  All the rest is the bonus of life and it's lemons.  Who knew? 

Many thanks to the SVMoms group for such a comforting book club choice.      

Liberty Science Center or what we learned last Saturday

So many great things happen when you are a mom blogger.  Because of my fortunate and fun association with the NYC Moms Blog my family and I were invited to visit the Liberty Science Center in Jersey City, New Jersey this past Saturday.  Located on the sparkling edge of the Liberty State Park we were first treated to a spectacular view of Manhattan - all because of a wrong turn by the driver (moi) - but I digress.  

Inside the newly refurbished museum - after a bizarrely thorough security check - we were invited to watch Sesame Street movie introducing kids to the moon and stars.  The show was a little young for my crew but it gave me a chance to reminisce about the toddler days while still walking out with my capable tweens.  Then we sat in for a demonstration of the amazing and remarkable qualities of liquid nitrogen.  Even Grandma - who isn't impressed by much anymore thought Katie and her show were noteworthy.  My fave:  The balloons added to a box filled with liquid nitrogen that flattened into pancakes with puddles of liquid air in the bottom.  The balloons then fully expanded back into their round, plump selves when out in the air for a minute or two.  Fascinating!

We were also lucky enough to learn about a tarantula, touch a snake - I made myself do it even tho' I truly have a snake phobia.  Then we watched an Australian Marine frog attempt an unwily escape - walking off the table at one point.  

Finally, we took in one floor of the museum where the kids rode a gyroscope, "spray-painted" graffiti and we all created "communication bubbles" on a computer screen.  We were bushed after that so decided to head home. (Yes, we got lost again! And this time the views were considerably less spectacular.)  Only later did I learn of all the amazing other exhibits - the skyscraper, the bubble creator that we'll have to go back for another time.  All in all, it was a great day and really gave me a look at a place I always meant to go but never got around to.  And, hey we all learned a little, too. 

When This All Began . . .

I started this blog with a grand concept - talk to other women - moms who were managing to raise effective, smart, funny, loving children while having a life of their own - working at something they were passionate about that helped them feel fulfilled and satisfied in some way.  

I have lost that thread - it started to feel like I was exploiting other people's lives for blog fodder when really what I was searching for was a way to get a handle on creating a life like that for myself.  Having spent the last nine years devoting myself to "the kids" and the years before that just waiting to have "the kids" - embarrassing to admit now but I was waiting for my kids - I am aching to find that new life - that satisfying career - I just don't know how to fit into it. 

Perhaps the name of this blog is my wishful thinking then - I'm aiming to be a mom who rocks it.  But right now I'm trying to figure out how to dress my un-worked-out body in something that says serious creative person for meetings and presentations in a week and a half when all I can manage to find to fit me are black skirts that look too wide and black tops that feel too tight and I have been in a conference room twice in the last fifteen years.  HELP!